


Leon, but with Knife Arms

by Swamp_Dog



Category: Biohazard | Resident Evil (Gameverse)
Genre: Body Horror, Gen, Humor, Infected AU, Resident Evil 4, i guess??, leon being made of sass, meme au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-23
Updated: 2020-11-22
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:27:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27678749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Swamp_Dog/pseuds/Swamp_Dog
Summary: Due to Ganado error, Leon was injected with a mutated version of la Plaga. He's not happy with it, but he's still got a job to do, and hey, when life gives you lemons... wreak havoc on a small European island?
Comments: 4
Kudos: 15





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> My first Resident Evil fic :')  
> It started from several pieces of art I made (which are on my tumblr under the "Re4 Crack Hours" tag) and I eventually wrote these story snippets for it. Little pieces of the game story throughout.

“Not to alarm you, but I think we’re about to be ambushed,” Leon stated coolly.

“WHAT?” Ashley looked up at the agent, face washed with nervousness. “What do we—"

“Hey, I said not to be alarmed,” he interrupted, drawing a frown from the girl. “I found a memo one of them left behind. We just have to be ready for it. In light of that, and the fact that we’re coming up on a big abandoned barn, I think you should go hide in that bin until I clear it.”

Ashley turned to look where he was pointing as Leon walked up to the big rusted bin, lifting the lid and making sure it was clear of snakes. Or villagers. Or corpses. There were a lot of bad things that could be in a bin here. Thankfully, this one just had straw. He held out his hand to help her in.

“Okay… just don’t forget to come back for me.” She stepped up and he lifted her foot over until she landed on the thin pile of straw.

“I’d have to have terrible memory to forget my one and only mission objective here,” he joked.

The girl rolled her eyes.

“And please be careful.” She sunk down as the lid closed and sat quietly in the corner.

“I’m always careful, don’t worry.”

She listened to his steps get farther away, faintly heard the door of the barn creak open, and then it was quiet for a long, tense moment. She strained to catch any sounds over her pounding heart, barely breathing.

A sound! It sounded like scuffling… a fistfight? There was some thumping and bumping, and she could only assume it was the sound of Leon showing off his impressive hand-to-hand training to take down whatever pitiful ambush had tried to surprise him.

* * *

Leon wheezed in a heap on the floor, trying to sit upright while also sorting out why he was seeing two of the hulking, bearded Chief Mendez, and why they were both walking towards him in sync. The stars dotting his vision were also not supposed to be there.

“I SWEAR if you grab me by the neck ONE more time, I am going to put a—” he coughed loudly. “—put a bullet hole right through your face. Or wherever I can reach, and you don’t want that.”

Mendez just kept walking closer, a menacing look on his dirty, crinkled face. Without warning, he lunged forward and snatched the agent by, what else, his neck.

Leon grimaced as he was hoisted up, snarling in rage. He should have been afraid, should have been struggling in terror, but something felt different. He felt like something in him was ready to explode in a ball of fire instead of wanting to struggle to get away.

And then he felt a jolt, almost like something _did_ explode with a burst of pain in his back. There was a sickening splatter sound at the same time, and Chief Mendez looked up at something behind his prey with a confused look.

Said look was very quickly ended when a scythe-like blade plunged into his face. He slowly started to fall backwards, and Leon slipped from the giant hand to hit the ground before he could be dragged down with him. He immediately twisted around to look for this new enemy or savior. There was a heavy thud as the chief landed, apparently dead.

Leon, however, saw a bunch of nothing. He looked up, and the reddish blade was still there, attached to….an arm? That was attached to him?

He rocked forward as a second one also forcefully, painfully unfolded on the other shoulder blade with a squelch.

“AGH! OH COME ON, WHAT IS THIS.” The strange feeling spread to his arms, and a fear gripped him that he was in his last few moments of free will before the Plaga took control of his mind.

* * *

Ashley could just make out that Leon was yelling inside the barn, but she couldn’t tell what. She hadn’t heard any gunshots, and the fighting had stopped. What was he still doing in there? Had they captured him? The sound of the barn door splintering open instead of creaking didn’t give her a lot of hope. She squeezed herself further into the corner, making herself as small as she could. The sound of steps grew louder, and she covered her mouth to keep from making noise.

The lid was pulled open by what looked like a monster with six arms, and she screamed.

“NO. SHUSH. IT’S ME. It’s Leon!” The top two scythe arms pulled back and out of view, but two more mantis-like blades still protruded from his forearms.

Ashley stopped screaming, but she sure didn’t look convinced he wasn’t here to murderize her.

“Why do you look like one of them...” she whimpered.

“I don’t know, but I’m not one of them. Look, see? I’m not trying to kill you. But we do need to keep moving.” He offered a hand to help her out of the bin, then realized he was pointing a large sharp thing at her and just backed off to let her get out herself.

She warily climbed out, keeping an eye on Leon the whole time.

“Was there an ambush in there? It sounded like you were fighting.”

“Yeah, he just about got me too…” he rubbed at his neck, then shrugged. “And then I suddenly had some extra arms. I’m trying not to think about it.”

The two jogged back from the barn and pressed on, headed for the castle.


	2. Chapter 2

The mysterious Lord Saddler, in his trailing, hooded purple robe, sighed heavily in frustration.

“You. Ganado.” He pointed to a black-robed minion. “Tell me, which holding rack did you pull the vial from to inject the American agent?”

The Ganado looked blankly between the many holding racks, all with different numbers and labels on them.

“Was it from any of these _normal_ racks you were supposed to use? Or was it from this, very specifically labelled, ‘Failed Mutation’ rack, which is _conveniently_ missing one vial?”

The pale-skinned Ganado scratched his bald head.

“Ehhhhh….I cannot remember now. They were sitting close together,” he explained in drawling, rural Spanish.

Lord Saddler took a long, deep breath. The tendrils of the staff in his hand wiggled in annoyance.

“Then he may be of no use to us after all. Just take _care_ of it.” He waved the staff, and the hunched Ganado slunk away.

* * *

_How do you just LOSE the president’s daughter? Just like that? A 20 year old girl ran away from you?_

Leon asked himself this several times as he worked his way through the danger-filled hedge maze. One minute she had been at his side, and the next she’d run right into a trap, disappearing into the castle walls.

_At least now I can cut these guys down without worrying about hitting her._

He felt bad for thinking it, but it had crossed his mind more than once. And he really could get quite a reign of destruction going with enough space to swing his newfound weapons. Even the Plagas that occasionally exploded from the heads of his assailants were no match for the scythe blades.

The sound of vicious snarling and growling broke his train of thought, and he instinctively raised his pistol…along with the various blades. A mutated wolf sprinted around the corner, snapping and barking at him. It erratically twisted out of the way of several of his shots, leaping for his throat before he swung quickly and impaled it. It whined as it landed with a thud, dragging his whole arm down at the same time. He yanked the blade back out with a grunt.

“This is absolutely the worst corn maze I’ve ever been to. I’m leaving the worst review.”

He finally made it out with the seal he needed to open up the side door of the castle, unlocked the door, and stepped into what seemed to be a fairly nice bedroom. For backwoods evil castle standards, anyway.

The sound of a gun being pulled from a holster behind him made him pause, and there were uncertain high-heeled steps that followed them.

“Put your hands where… where I can… see them?”

He slowly turned to look behind him, and found a familiar but very surprised face. Ada Wong stared back at him through red-framed glasses, gun aimed at his chest… from a safe distance away.

“Okay, I can explain.” He moved to take a step closer, and her hand tightened on the trigger.

She said nothing, but her face said ‘don’t try it, crab legs man.’

“Ada listen, it’s _me._ I just need to—stop pointing the gun at me—It’s probably fine! I can fix it. You have no room to talk, working with Umbrella…”

“Give me one good reason not to shoot. How am I supposed to think you’re not controlled by Saddler like all the others?”

“Hey, I am extremely good at punching zombies right now. In half.”

“They’re Ganados—”

“Whatever. What I’m saying is that I’m not under his control—”

Ada reflexively pulled her aim up when one of the scythe limbs on his back moved. Despite Leon’s statement, it seemed to raise up of its own will when she reacted, and was in a second hurtling down at her with deadly speed.

Before Leon could blink, he rocked back from the noise and impact of Ada’s gun. Ada herself looked surprised at whatever had just happened.

“OW. ADA.” There was a sickening thud beside him, and he realized half of one of his shiny new stabber arms was now lying on the floor. “Well I thought I was the one controlling it…”

She was still staring at him, wide eyed, so he looked down and found a red stain spreading across his shirt from a nasty looking bullet hole.

“And… you shot me.”

As they both watched, reddish tendrils pulled the flesh back together and closed it up.

Ada shrugged calmly, brows raising.

“See? You’re fine.”

“YOU DIDN’T KNOW THAT WOULD HAPPEN—”

“Leon, your crab leg tried to stab me. What did you expect?”

“Please don’t call it that.” An unpleasant feeling started to echo from where she had mowed off half his scythe arm, and he realized it was slowly starting to regrow. Ada pinched the bridge of her nose between her fingers.

“Okay Leon, you have your job to do here, and I have mine. Let’s just go our separate ways and try not to trip over each other, hm?”

He was busy squinting at the re-growing arm as he answered.

“I’m not sure I can do that knowing Umbrella is invol—” Leon turned to face her, and realized he was now talking to an empty room. He sighed heavily and started moving further into the castle to find his missing blonde.


	3. Chapter 3

Ashley startled awake from the sound of a loud _BONK_. She scrunched her face in confusion, wondering where she was and why she was sitting in what seemed to be a big glass tube. Once her eyes focused, she finally recognized that the bonk had been the sound of Leon smacking into the glass in front of her. The man in the purple robe was behind him, the one who had forced her to leave Leon behind not long ago. There was muffled gunfire before the glass shield opened, and she was being pulled along in a daze by the agent she’d been separated from far too many times already.

“Come on Ashley, run!”

She tried, but she still had a hard time getting her mind out of the haze it was mired in. That is, until a sharp pain zipped across her arm, and she heard Leon swear loudly as he let her hand go. She was suddenly wide awake.

“Ow! What was that? Leon you still have them—?”

“%#&% I’m sorry! I’ll explain in a minute, just run, but keep your distance from me!”

She held the gash on her arm as they ran through a door and into a hallway, part of the building collapsing behind them to cover their escape. She watched, from the instructed several safe feet behind him, as Leon cut down any and every crazed fighter that approached them. The blades attached to him moved differently, more erratic than they used to. Every now and then, they would swing out even in her direction if there wasn’t a Ganado nearby. They reminded her of the Plaga that would explode from some of their heads, whipping around without a purpose.

They started to run down a hall, and all of Leon’s arms went out at once. Ashley heard some rather horrifying ragged breathing coming from somewhere ahead.

“WAIT. Hold on, I can’t slice that one.” He unslung a rifle from his shoulder and aimed at the shambling, red-eyed, far-too-toothy shape that emerged down the hall. Ashley had learned by now to cover her ears when he fired, and ducked down for good measure. Several loud shots and splatters later, she looked up to find the hallway covered in… whatever that had been.

“Why was that one different?”

“That was a Regenerator. I learned the hard way that cutting them in half just… gives you two Regenerators. We don’t want that.”

Ashley shook her head vigorously.

“Nope, one at a time is bad enough.”

They started to move forward again before Leon stopped and turned back to her.

“Oh, sorry, I almost forgot.” He pulled out a spray bottle from his bag and held it out to her, but yanked it back when the blade on his arm tried to lash out again. “Hey, NO, STOP IT ALREADY.” He pulled out a knife threateningly, and the reddish blade just retracted against his arm, out of the way in apparent fear. “I’ve cut it off once already and it keeps growing back…” He tossed the bottle to her instead. “Spray that on the gash. Keeps it from bleeding.”

She obediently applied the spray, watching him warily.

“We can get it out, right? Whatever this is?”

“That’s where we’re headed, don’t worry.”

Only minutes later, they found the room they needed, full of medical equipment she couldn’t recognize.

“You’re _sure_ this will work? I thought Luis said it would kill an adult…”

“Well, there’s only one way to find out…get ready to push the start button. I think it’s the green one.” He started to go for the seat, but the bladed arms suddenly began flailing wildly. “Whoa WHOA.”

Ashley backed up, and Leon moved away from the sensitive equipment that was supposed to save them.

“I think the parasite just caught on that I’m about to zap it to death… Ashley, did you ever learn how to shoot a gun?”

Her face paled in horror.

“Leon, please don’t make me…”

“NO NO, you’re not shooting me, you’re shooting the blades off! I can’t get near the machine with them or I might destroy both our chances of survival, and the arms might stab _me_ if I try this.” He slid his pistol out of its holster and slid it across the floor to Ashley. She still looked mortified. “The safety is off, so just aim down the sights and pull the trigger. Keep your thumb away from the slide, and hold on tight for the kick.” He moved into the doorway so she wouldn’t hit any machinery. “Got it?”

Ashley picked up the gun hesitantly, like it was covered in thorns.

“I… I think so…” She brought it up, aiming at the arms that where twitching erratically. “It won’t hurt you, right?”

“Nope, not a bit.”

**BANG**

Leon swore loud enough that it echoed through the room as the blade hit the floor.

“YOU SAID IT WOULDN’T—”

“I WAS COMPLETELY LYING JUST KEEP GOING.”

She took aim again, missing a couple of times before she got the second one off, bringing another yell from Leon. He gave her a strained smile and a shaky thumbs-up.

“You did… great… Thanks. I can get the other ones.”

She just held onto the pistol awkwardly as Leon pinned the arm blades to a table and started hacking at them with his knife. About halfway through one of them, he just lowered his head until it bonked down on the table.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I just… need a minute.” He pulled a container out of his pocket that seemed to be full of… leaves… and just stuck several of them in his mouth like it was a pack of gum.

“Leon… is that weed—”

“We’re not asking questions here. The villagers left it lying around anyway.”

She blinked as he went back to hacking and seemed to be far less bothered by the pain.

“You’re a cop…”

_“Was_ a cop.”

He finally stood back up straight, looking rather horrible with the four bleeding, severed stumps trying to regrow.

“Okay. Let’s try this again.” He sat back down in the seat, the parasite unable to do much to stop him now.

“Ready?”

“Ready.”


	4. Chapter 4

Ashley pulled the blanket around her tighter as the plane’s engines started to whine. Her stained clothes, still damp from getting dumped in the ocean on their harrowing jet-ski ride to safety, contrasted starkly with the clean interior of the private jet. Her eyes were strained and red from being awake for so long.

She was just starting to nod off when Leon sat down heavily in the seat beside her. He didn’t look much better than she did, probably worse. Bandages covered up the gouges the Plaga had left on his arms and back, but he had managed to survive having the parasite removed. They both had, somehow. He turned to her, gave a tired smile, and put a hand on her shoulder.

“Well, that was… pretty awful, for a big understatement… but you did good, Ashley. We’re gonna be okay.”

She smiled back before wincing, rubbing at the spot below her ribs where the parasite had been.

“It was… really awful. Thank you for getting me out of it.”

He pulled out the little container and gave it a shake.

“Just doing my job… You’re sure you don’t want any of this…?” She rolled her eyes.

“I’m fine without your stolen weed, Leon.” He shrugged and put it away with a laugh.

“Suit yourself.”

The plane lifted off, headed back to their U.S. home and away from the nightmare on the island for good.


End file.
